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  • Calvin Burns

Why It's Okay (and Necessary) to Search for a New Therapist: Common Reasons and Tips

Updated: Jan 8

Taking the leap into therapy is like embarking on a brave journey towards self-discovery and healing. It's a path that demands not just your time and money but also your heart and soul. When therapy clicks, it can blossom into one of the most profound relationships in your life, unlocking doors to personal growth you never knew existed. However, when it misses the mark, it can leave you feeling like you're stuck in quicksand.

So, let's talk about those moments when therapy doesn't quite fit like your favorite pair of jeans. Here are five red flags that might indicate you and your therapist are on different wavelengths:

  1. You're not feeling understood:

  • Picture this: You're pouring your heart out in session, but it feels like your therapist is mentally redecorating their office. You leave feeling unheard, maybe even misunderstood.

  • Here's the deal: Therapy 101 includes therapists actively listening and empathizing. They don't have to agree with everything you say, but they should make you feel seen and heard. If you're repeatedly feeling like your voice is lost in the wind, it might be time to find a better listener.

  1. Boundary Breakdown:

  • Ever had a therapist who overshared about their weekend plans or pushed you to delve into your deepest trauma before you were ready? It's like therapy turning into an awkward social gathering or a rollercoaster without a seatbelt.

  • The lowdown: In therapy, boundaries are like sacred rules. Oversharing blurs the lines, and pushing too hard can be emotionally jarring. A good therapist should respect your pace and create a safe space for your growth.

  1. The Endless Circle of Nowhere:

  • After numerous sessions, you still can't pinpoint your therapy goals. It feels like you're meandering through life's labyrinth with no map, discussing the same issues without any practical strategies.

  • Here's the scoop: Therapy should be a journey with a destination in mind. While it doesn't have to be rigid, having goals and making progress is essential. If you're feeling stuck in Groundhog Day, it's time to reassess.

  1. Identity Clash:

  • Imagine opening up about your true self, only to face judgment or dismissal from your therapist based on your race, religion, gender, or identity. It's like being trapped in a room where your identity is put on trial.

  • Why it matters: Therapy should be your sanctuary, a place where you can be authentically you. If you're constantly defending who you are, it's not therapeutic; it's exhausting. A great therapist embraces your identity and offers support tailored to your unique experiences.

  1. The Missing Connection:

  • Sometimes, it's not about boundaries or conflict; it's simply a lack of chemistry. Sessions feel forced, you're hesitant to bring up important topics, and the idea of therapy becomes a dreaded affair.

  • The real talk: The therapeutic journey thrives on connection and trust. If you're not feeling it, therapy won't reach its full potential. It's perfectly okay to seek a therapist with whom you vibe because, in the end, it's all about your journey to self-discovery.

If any of these scenarios sound familiar, don't hesitate to have an open chat with your therapist.

Communication is key, and they might not be aware of your concerns or may offer solutions to enhance your experience. But if the issues persist, remember it's okay to part ways. Finding the right therapist is like finding a perfect puzzle piece that fits seamlessly into your life's mosaic. Your well-being deserves a therapist who can help you complete that picture. If you're facing any of these challenges or considering therapy, feel free to reach out to me to explore your options further.

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